Orto Botanico dell"Universita Di Siena
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Culture Shock in Italy

Culture Shock in Italy

Experiencing Culture Shock

Culture shock is a phenomenon that you experience when you move to a cultural environment different from your own. I experienced my culture shock when I moved to the United States for work, reverse culture shock when I went back to my home country, the Philippines, and another culture shock when my family moved to Italy.

In this blog post, I will talk about my personal experience of culture shock. It is not my intention to make platitudes or to promote cultural stereotypes. Culture shock is real, and if you are in a similar situation (especially if you are a Filipino immigrant)- I want to tell you that you will overcome! Lakas lang ng loob (Strength of the will)!

Before Moving To Italy

Making the decision to move to Italy was not an easy one. Life in Manila, Philippines was okay for the most part. “Everything we needed” was right there. We had household help, which was very important because I just had a baby. Also, my immediate family was there to support us. Life was good…but not great. My husband and I both felt that we were meant to be planted somewhere else…like Italy.

Are we willing to let go of the conveniences of living in the city to move to a medieval town? It’s nice to travel around Europe if you have enough funds… but to actually live there? 

Can I be an effective manager of the home without any household help? 

Are we willing to learn the Italian language? 

Should we move back to the U.S.? After all, we already know how life is like in America and we have friends and family over there. Is it better to move to Italy instead of going back to the U.S.?

Is this God’s will for our lives?

Call us crazy, but after a lot of thinking and praying…we chose the Italian adventure.

I tried to search online for advice on living in Italy. Good thing I found Dolce Vita Bloggers, a monthly linkup for “lovers of Italy” hosted by expats Questa Dolce Vita, Mammaprada, and Italian at Heart.

 

The Stages of Culture Shock

The Honeymoon Stage

This is the first stage of culture shock. During the Honeymoon Stage, you can only see the positive things in the new country. It is an exciting, exhilarating stage, and everything seems to be perfect!

Wow, Siena is paradise!

The air smells so fresh… like olives and rosemary!

The wine is delicious and cheap!

The food tastes amazing! 

The Italian language is so easy to learn, it’s a Romance language like Spanish…Filipino has many Spanish words… I got this!

They drive so fast…super cool! La Dolce Vita!

Italian coffee tastes amazing! I’ll never order take-out coffee ever again!

Traveling by train is so convenient- hello Florence, PisaVenice, Milan!

I.T.A.L.Y.= I Trust And Love You!

This stage is the best stage, but short-lived. You enter your new country with expectations, and then reality hits you in the face.

Italy

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The Frustration Stage

After a few months of living in Italy, homesickness started creeping in. Also, I felt like I have not been making a lot of progress in my language learning journey. Well-meaning friends kept asking me, “are you already fluent in Italian?” What exactly is “fluent”? Yeah, I get by. But can I engage in intellectual conversations in Italian? Can I ever reach that level- or if is it even necessary? Do you know how frustrating it is when you don’t know enough words in the foreign language to say what you want to say?

When my family moved outside the main city of Siena, it became more obvious that we were not tourists, but immigrants. That was when I began to feel the tension… that crazy feeling where you feel different and you are not 100% welcome!

Being A “Straniero” (A Foreigner)

Before moving to Italy, I lived in the United States as a cultural exchange teacher. Generally, in my experience living in the Washington D.C. area, it is awkward to ask “where someone is from” because you don’t want to sound racist. In Italy, on the other hand, I’ve been asked many times by complete strangers where I am from. Are they asking because I’m not welcome here? Or are they asking because they’re simply curious? How will it make their lives better (or worse) if they know where I’m from?

I asked an Italian friend what Italians really feel about immigrants. She said that sadly, some Italians classify immigrants into two groups: immigrants from “rich countries” and immigrants from “poor countries”. Guess which group is unwelcome?

There was a time when a man asked me where I was from. When I told him I’m a Filipina, he was surprised because he thought I was Chinese! Then he said in broken English, “Philippines is better than Chinese.” I wonder what he meant by that?

One time when I was at a party and I was talking about how difficult it is for us to find a babysitter/ nanny, an Italian woman said, “Why don’t you find someone from your own kind?” Okay, so that shocked me a lot and she probably noticed that I gave her a look. “What do you mean?” I asked. She looked slightly uncomfortable and said, “Maybe it’s easier for you to find someone from your own culture.” I will never know what she means by that, whether or not it was an innocent suggestion, or if there was something lost in translation… who knows?

 

The Adjustment Stage

In this stage of adjustment, I learned to accept the reality that I am a straniero, a foreigner. Language Trivia: The Filipino word “estranghero” means “strangers” or “foreigners” in English! No matter how long I live in Italy, even if I become fluent in Italian, even if I dress like an Italian, I will never be an Italian. And that is okay! I’m a proud Filipina living in Italy.

Some people will not like that we are living in “their territory” because they think that we’re taking away their jobs! That’s not true at all! My husband is doing work that requires specialized training. His job helps save many lives not just in Italy but all around the world.

The only time it is not okay if I am treated with disrespect because I am a “brown-skinned straniera” or a “second-class immigrant”. It is not okay when my family’s life is threatened because we are stranieri. I can be a Filipino and live in peace with the Italian community. If for any reason we are not welcome in Italy anymore, that’s also fine. We will go where God leads us, and we stand by His promise that He will never forsake us nor leave us. If God is with us, who can be against us? I am not defined by the color of my skin, but by my life in Christ.

My husband and I will continue to practice speaking in Italian. We respect the Italian language and we want to be integrated into society. We try not to complain about the cultural differences; instead, we adjust our lives accordingly.  For example, because we know that most stores are closed on a Sunday, we stock up on supplies before the new week begins. We also learned how to appreciate the value of rest and recreation just like the Italians. Instead of complaining about how most stores are closed after lunch to 4:00 PM, we learned to adjust by getting our supplies outside those hours. We learned to adjust to how time is relative in Italy, that there is no “black and white”, and that nothing is ever final. (If you have lived in North America, you will understand how extremely frustrating this can be.)

Is it easy to live in Italy? No. Is this a unique and special experience at this point in our lives? Yes. Is it worth leaving the Philippines to live abroad? I would still say yes, not because I don’t love my home country, but because in my heart I have always longed to see the rest of the world.

The Acceptance Stage

I guess this is the part where you learn to accept the reality of your situation. Every country has positive and negative aspects. I really think that you have to learn to adjust and to be flexible if you want to live a happy life in your new environment. While my kids and I were taking a nature walk in Siena’s Botanical Garden, I saw a very familiar-looking flower. It was a hibiscus or a “gumamela”. This flower is endemic to the tropical islands of the Philippines, yet it blooms in the Tuscan hills of Italy! I believe it is God’s way of saying that He will make sure that I will not just survive… I will thrive!

Orto Botanico dell"Universita Di Siena
Hibiscus

 

Have you experienced culture shock in Italy or in a different country? Are you experiencing trials or setbacks as an immigrant? How do you survive loneliness or homesickness? I would love to know your story! Please leave me a comment. 

 

Bellissimamma

Dolce Vita Bloggers

This post is part of #DolceVitaBloggers Linkup- Culture Shock

Hardships of a Non-White Expat in Italy

From India To Italy: Culture Shocks 

Dolce Vita Bloggers: Culture Shock 

Culture Shock!

Italy is Patriarchal AF

Lucy At Home

 

Do you love Italy? 

When you purchase this Italy charm by Soufeel Jewelry, I will earn a small commission at no extra cost to you!   Click to buy.

Price: $36.00

bellissimamma

👨‍👩‍👦‍👦 Mama | Teacher | Traveler | Learner
💜 Writes about Lifestyle, Literacy, and Little Kids
🇮🇹 ITALY | 🇵🇭 PHILIPPINES
thebellissimamma@gmail.com

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39 Comments

  1. Very heartfelt post!! I must applaud you on this move to Italy and on sharing your experience of staying there so candidly. It really takes takes a lot of courage…..

    Though I haven’t lived in Italy permanently, I too have faced racism at my level during travel and especially being Asian it gets worse. Plus the poor and rich country immigrant syndrome that Italians have. ….UGH!! I don’t have words to say it. They assume all Indians are poor and we live off the street. Yikes!!

    Anyway, stay strong and happy to know that you are on the Acceptance stage 🙂 Love the last line especially. xx

    1. Hello Ishita! Thank you for your kind comment. One time when my husband and our Indian colleague were having lunch, and the servers asked us where we’re from, I told them that my husband and his friend were both doctors. Suddenly their attitude towards us became different and we were treated more positively. Imagine that. :p

      1. Oh good lord 😛 I know what you mean. Change in behaviour huh?

        1. Right? Haha.

  2. Carmela, a wonderful post, probably one of my favorites that you’ve written thus far ever! I really liked that you took this angle on it as it’s one that I’ve talked about in the past but found that I was often talking to a wall because I don’t have any other “brown-skinned” expat friends in Italy. As good-intentioned as they are, they can never really understand the irking feeling when Italians ask where you’re from because they just respond all bubbly with “California” and the response is like “oooooo wow, California”. I say “Canada” and they look at me like I’m dumb and persist with “no but WHERE are you FROM….”. Grrrr. I’m planning a new post about Asian Representation soon what with Crazy Rich Asians coming out, so maybe I’ll comment on some things there as well! Thanks for joining us on this and for all the promo! Love, Jasmine of http://www.questadolcevita.com

    1. Love you Jas! Okay, I am excited about your post on Asian Representation and I’m equally excited to see Crazy Rich Asians (in Italian?! haha). Always a pleasure to participate in #DolceVitaBloggers!

  3. Absolutely loved reading this post Carmela!
    We understand a little bit of the stages after living in America for 7 years, but we think you are incredible for moving your family to Italy and learning the language!
    We definitely had the honeymoon stage in America and then once we got used to it, homesickness sunk in a little more and we missed home comforts. Italy is a place we’d love to spend a longer period of time in though. But we realize it’s not all fun and games!
    Love how positive you are and your perspective on everything! <3

    Lucy and Kelly xx
    http://www.theblossomtwins.com

    1. Thank you for the love and positive vibes, Lucy and Kelly! <3

  4. Great post and a very interesting read. We have been receiving our results from our dna – from ancestry.com and it’s so interesting. I wish more people would do it and then they’d realise just how linked we all are! Glad you are settling in now and appreciating the good. Italy is a wonderful country xx

    1. Thank you, Maria! It is really interesting…realizing how connected we all are. For example, my maiden name is “Neri”- an Italian last name. Yet I came from the Philippines. My relatives said that the original Filipino “Neri” was actually an adopted son of an Italian family from Florence!

      1. Popping back from #BlogCrush . Wow that’s such an interesting story. There are clues in names, especially surnames. I have quite a few Viking names in my tree, which matches my dna. I bet it’s been hot there in Italy – nearly Autumn now though! xx

        1. Wow…Viking names! Pretty awesome!
          Yes it’s so freakin’ hot in Italy now!

  5. Such an honest post. I was reflecting on the nature of stranieri in Italy/Sicily for another post idea and you are totally right. There is an unofficial classification held by Italians, expats v’s the rest. It’s really sad because it’s a harsh judgement and many are marginalised by the locals.
    I kind of waver between the frustration and acceptance stage often …

    1. Thank you, Rochelle! I appreciate your comment. Always love reading about Sicily in your blog. I really need to visit.

  6. Love your positive attitude Carmela. It will get you far! Ciao, Cristina
    PS-asking where you are from is common, even with other Italians! It is mostly just curiosity.

    1. Thank you, Cristina! Yes- I now have become more comfortable with the “where are you from” question. As a matter of fact, the doctor also asked me where I am from just this morning- made me realize that it is for the purposes of health records and statistics. 😀 Anyway, whenever asks me where I am from, I guess I can also ask them “where they are from”- and they will answer where exactly in Italy they are from. I will also add some positive aspects of my country of origin so that they will also know that the Philippines is a must-see country since many Italians love to travel.

  7. Ciao Carmela, I loved how you shared your culture shock experience through all of the stages! It truly is a process. I love how open-minded you and your husband are, and I’m sure that has contributed to your positive experiences abroad in both the US & Italy. I also loved that when people said something potentially rude you gave them the benefit of the doubt because sometimes we don’t always know what their intentions were. I just recently learned that in some cultures it is okay to be blunt and tell someone they look like they’ve gained weight because it shows concern for their health, whereas most Americans would consider that extremely offensive!

    I especially love your last paragraph! I always look for little signs like that too, and I think the hibiscus is a beautiful sign you are right where you should be <3 Thanks for joining us for #DolceVitaBloggers, I always love reading your posts!

    1. Ciao Kelly! Yes, it really helps to be open-minded and to give the benefit of the doubt even if it feels “weird inside”. I need to be more positive, otherwise, I’ll just be offended with every single thing and it wouldn’t help my mental and spiritual well-being. Hihihi! Thanks again for organizing this amazing linky!

  8. You describe it so very well. I have never done anything on this scale but our little family moved from one part of the family to a completely new area, and many of the things you describe here are familiar to me (although obviously not as big changes as you had to face).

    I love that wherever we go in the world, we are never out of God’s sight or guidance for our lives. And I love your beautiful flower of encouragement! #blogcrush

    1. Thank you so much, Lucy! I really believe in little signs/ reminders from the Lord whenever we feel like we need a boost of faith! Thank you for choosing my post for this week’s #blogcrush!

  9. […] This week Lucy has chosen Culture shock in Italy  […]

    1. Oh wow! Thank you so much!

  10. A very insightful post on being an immigrant in a foreign country.
    It never ceases to amaze me the difference in how immigrants are treated by some corners of society.

    I do hope your Italian adventure is a long happy one and can’t wait to read more about your life there.

    #BlohCrush

    1. Thank you, Alan! 🙂 On the flip side- there are many American/ European expats who choose to live/ retire/ set up businesses in the Philippines. I know quite a few Italians who choose to live in the Philippines as well. Immigration is a worldwide phenomenon really. I bet they also have their fair share of positive and negative experiences. I appreciate you dropping by and leaving a comment! All the best. 🙂

  11. I’ve not lived anywhere other than Wales but my boss (her grandparents are Indian) at work gets “where are you from?” “no, I mean where are you REALLY from?” questions daily, mainly from the older generation who don’t feel awkward at all in asking. I’m sure there has to be much nicer ways of asking if you are just being curious?! It’s a shame you’ve come across so much of this. #blogcrush

    1. Yes! I’ve gotten quite used to it! “I am from the beautiful tropical islands of the Philippines, the Pearl of the Orient Sea”- how’s that for an answer? 😀 Hehehe!

  12. Loved reading this … so much wisdom, and much of it hard-won. All the best to you in Italy, or wherever you end up! #BlogCrush

    1. Thank you so much, Enda! 🙂

  13. What a fascinating post. I have not lived outside the uk so haven’t had your experiences but I look forward to reading more of your adventures!! Congratulations for being featured blogger on #blogcrush this week

    1. Thank you so much! What a pleasant surprise! 😀

  14. I have never lived in a different country so this was a real eye-opener to see the realities of living in a different country. #blogcrush

  15. Mother of 3 says:

    Way to persevere! I love how honest you are in this post. Never having moved anywhere I have never experienced culture shock first hand but I do understand it now. #blogCrush

  16. Debbie says:

    A very honest post. I’ve lived abroad a couple of times, teaching English as a foreign language. As much as immersing yourself in a new culture is hugely rewarding it can also be very tough. Thankfully I didn’t face the same challenges you have. I wish you all the best for the future. #BlogCrush

  17. What a great post and truly authentic. It is important now, as many of us here in the US feel so disenfranchised and long to be an expat… at least I do! <3 #blogcrush xoxo

  18. Culture shock I know well but in a different country so good to see it is the same in different places. I remember my brother taking a long time to adapt after China and now he has started a new adventure in Greece. I think the expat life always has its wobbles but that’s because is f or the brave. Oh and I dream of going to Italy one day! #BlogCrush

    1. Thank you, Kate! Yes, I agree that the expat life is really for the brave and adventurous. Hope to see you in Italy someday!

  19. It’s shocking to hear about the discrimination you’ve experienced because you’re not an Italian.

    1. Thank you Mammaprada! Honestly, the positive experiences I have experienced in Italy far outweigh the few negative experiences. I am a foreigner who was blessed to be given the opportunity to live in Italy, so I always try to keep that mindset. I think it’s normal for some people to have negative impressions of foreigners. I’d like to think it happens everywhere, not just in Italy.

  20. I am thankful that I found this site, precisely the right information that I was searching for! .

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